let's normalize boredom

and some (incomplete) advice

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I had the opportunity to spend a recent Wednesday night in a tiny house in the western Catskills, alone. I took the week off between jobs to reflect back - on life, my career, my life - project forward - my goals, my first 13 weeks at the new job - and get through a checklist of things that I just hadn’t gotten around to doing. I figured a single night in the woods would serve as a perfect opportunity to do the first two tasks while I would have the rest of the week to be productive. 

I was doubly wrong. 

First, I should have spent four nights in the woods and one day at home. I failed to heed my own advice that the scarcity of time heightens focus. Giving myself just a day to progress through my checklist would have allowed - nay, forced - me to focus my energy on the tasks instead of the fact that I could do them later. Second, yet somehow more important, I should have taken the time that week to allow myself to be truly bored. 

You may ask why this is more important. I too started to question boredom’s importance when I came across this sticker at a shop in Livingston Manor:

I found the two simple words provocative: Normalize Boredom. Boredom tends to be looked down upon. Half of us would rather shock ourselves than be bored. Yet upon further research, boredom has been linked to increases in creativity, helps one set goals, makes one more charitable, and can - perhaps ironically - help one be more productive.

In order to normalize something, it helps to understand how it feels.  As it turns out, the five stages of boredom are exactly the same as those experienced with grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. 

Denial

Think of what we do when we’re in line waiting to check out of the grocer. Within seconds, we pull our phones out of our pockets denying the boredom a chance to announce its presence. Hell, I just checked my phone in the middle of typing this paragraph when I couldn’t think of the right phrasing. I denied myself the opportunity to get uncomfortable with not having the answer right away, interrupted my thought process, and delayed the task at hand.

But Jeremy, do you really expect me to stand idly in line? Yes, but I’m also human. So let’s take it one step at a time. Instead of reaching for your phone, try a Mouse Book. They’re about the size of a phone, so they fit perfectly in the same pocket and offer a nice escape from the boredom just over the hill. Yes, you’re still denying boredom the chance to say hello, but at least you’re learning something.

Anger

Assume you’ve allowed yourself to feel the creeping fog of boredom.  Like my kids last weekend, you’re a kid in the back of the car. It’s been about 30 minutes and you’ve stopped your first boredom denial activity of drawing pictures.¹ You’ve grown bored with your avoidance of boredom. And now you’re angry there isn’t anything left to do. 

While not recommended, why not lean into the boredom by yelling, “I’m bored”, at the top of your lungs. It likely won’t help you personally, but it will make those around you who are bored, a bit less so.

Bargaining

Then comes the bargaining. It’s your kids saying “I’ll behave if you let me use your phone to watch YouTube?” It’s what happens when you go from NetFlix to Hulu to Amazon Prime to Disney+ and then to cable.² What else is on? Hopefully something else that will make me feel less bored.

You remember the quote “only boring people are bored” and start to question whether you are boring. And maybe you are in that moment.

Depression

That questioning leads to feeling down about oneself. Kierkegaard once said “boredom is the root of all evil”.  And that’s true - just look at what’s been happening when a group of bored men with time on their hands get connected by Facebook’s algorithms.  But I digress. 

That great Dane’s³ full quote is actually:

Boredom is the root of all evil -  the despairing refusal to be oneself.

We do everything we can to avoid becoming bored, get mad when we are, try to find something else to do as a palliative, because we ultimately hate who we are when we’re alone - whether physically, socially, emotionally, or mentally. 

Fuck. Talk about a downer. It’s not surprise that most of us stop here. 

Acceptance

But wait, there’s more.

Aldous Huxley said: 

Your true traveler finds boredom rather agreeable than painful. It is the symbol of his liberty - his excessive freedom. He accepts his boredom, when it comes, not merely philosophically, but almost with pleasure.

Take those same kids in the back of a car, who are left to (the lack of) their own devices. They get creative. They play games. They sit and stare quietly. They ask questions. They entertain themselves. 

Ironically, when I was traveling upstate, I didn’t give myself the necessary time and space to reach acceptance of my boredom. I got as far as questioning it, but never crossed that Rubicon.

And that’s common. So common, in fact, that I got bored writing this, so rather than pushing through the boredom, it ends here, without a conclusion.

Old habits, like John McClane, die hard.

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in case you missed it

Let’s have a look at what’s been happening at project kathekon:

books, jerry. they (still) read books.

We recently started a book club. But you know, not like a regular book club, like a cool book club. Want to read Don Quixote with us? It’s 922 pages long.

After reading about 330 pages so far, I’m realizing this book, like Infinite Jest, must have a misogi-level of failure at over 50%.

Speaking of books, did you know we have also a book barter service at project kathekon? We now have two books to barter.  The first book on offer is Together by Dr. Vivek Murthy from Jeremy.

Our second, Lincoln’s Virtues: An Ethical Biography, was offered by Andrew.

Already read one of them? Feel free to let others know in the comments section of each to let us know what you think. Have a book to share?

We have more in store for you. Until then, we encourage you to subscribe if you haven’t already, or share it with someone if you have already.

1. “of mountaintops, with him on top, lemon yellow sun”. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who filled in the rest of those lyrics.

2. Yes, Virginia, there is still a cable box

3. That was a woof-ul, I mean woeful, pun.  Apologies.