Men today lack accountability, encouragement, and community. Without accountability, men act poorly. Without encouragement, men exhibit laziness, selfishness and poor health. Without community, men cascade towards loneliness, isolation and peril.
We do not believe that men are better than women. We believe a world served by better men - friends, citizens, husbands, humans, fathers, sons, brothers, uncles, colleagues, lovers, workers, and humans - benefits us all.
Let’s build better men, together.
So in addition to these words, you should anticipate more from us over the coming months. But more on that later.
That’s how our most recent newsletter, sent over a year ago - right after I turned 41 - concluded. Is something over a year old still recent? Certainly, for something like a house purchase, it holds water. But the same doesn’t apply to the cup of water left out in that house at the time of purchase. You wouldn’t drink the water now, but you’d still gladly sleep in that house.
I’m asking you to think of this place as that house, not that glass of water. That house is foundational, that water likely evaporated by now. Also, my writing is a touch out of practice, so please forgive the rust.
The reality is we’re a newsletter whose first six months produced an (almost) weekly publication, took a 6 month hiatus, issued a recap at the one-year anniversary of our launch, made nice while promising more to come, and followed with over a year of silence - not even a hello.
I didn’t share this last year, but many of the same reasons1 causing us to stop then apply now: we got busy; we didn’t have time. As mentioned here before, those are two of the biggest lies we tell ourselves and each other. At its core, it came down to a lack of prioritization. We didn’t make the time for something we believed in, were fulfilled by, and played a small part in helping a fellow man or two. If honest, that’s left a bit of a hole in us.
Despite our silence here, we didn’t stop thinking and talking about why we started project kathekon. We talked about what’s been missing. Yes, we kept our group text going, but WhatsApp felt too one note, so we moved it to Slack.2 Yes, I hate Slack, but like Churchill said about democracy, it’s the worst form of digital communication except for all others. Come aboard.
In our silence, more prominent voices brought visibility to the issues that plague men today, but impact all of society. Men like Scott Galloway highlighted what happens when we have few(er) good men. He urged men to take affection back. For what it’s worth,3 the shirt I’m wearing now has something to say about that, too.
has a must-read book, Of Boys and Men, and his titular Substack made the rounds among people much smarter - and connected - than me. He’s helping change the conversation, as shown in this incredible piece about loving one’s male friends deeply: also took on the issues that men face, and why not talking about it doesn’t help:This is a real problem — and it’s wonderful that Andrew Yang understands this, even though the Democrats don’t seem to. And it’s a problem not just for men but for society as a whole. Rearing a cohort of under-employed, disaffected, fatherless men who are alienated from mainstream culture, denied responsible male role models, and robbed of jobs they once took for granted and could support a family with is, well, asking for it. Adding a whole bunch of contempt doesn’t make it any better. In fact, it is making it a whole lot worse.
Messrs. Reeves and Sullivan even conversed on a recent Dishcast:
At Substack, things have changed, too. The recent addition of Notes, a short-form way to engage with existing readers and welcome new ones, is intriguing. Folks know my hatred for social media4 runs broad and deep. Notes holds the possibility for a healthier way forward on my terms, and not the other way around. Friends know I share underlined passages from books I’m reading, articles that make me think (or make me angry) or random observations that I think they may like. Now you’ll get to see how my mind works - both good and bad. The best way to converse is with the Substack app, which doubles as a way to get out of email. Perhaps it starts a few conversations that will change my mind.
In essence, I still need this. I need the friendships its maintained and the one’s its started. Maybe some of you do, too. I will make it a priority; you keep me honest. I’m starting with one push-up. With that, happy 42nd birthday, Brandon. You make me a better man.
Excuses.
Plus, it’s not owned by The Cesspool Formerly Known as Facebook.
Likely not much.
See footnote #2.
Being better is one of the secrets of life. Its an unstated purpose and is something that’s never ending.
And cheers to Brandon! happy birthday brother and thank you for making us all better men in your own way.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I will advise my friend to read the book you recommended.
Have a good day!