Men today lack accountability, encouragement, and community. Without accountability, men act poorly. Without encouragement, men exhibit laziness, selfishness and poor health. Without community, men cascade towards loneliness, isolation and peril.
We do not believe that men are better than women. Instead, we believe a world served by better men - friends, citizens, husbands, humans, fathers, sons, brothers, uncles, colleagues, lovers, workers, and humans - benefits us all.
Let’s build better men, together.
Our most recent newsletter shipped on October 4th, 2021. The topic was about the need to normalize boredom. It was never intended to be our last newsletter. But until now, it was just that: an unintended final chapter to something we started a year ago this past Saturday. In a way, it feels just like yesterday we were sending (mostly) weekly missives about how to be not better than, but better men. That semi-regular habit1 formed a steady melody for the first 6+ months of my forties. It kept me focused on something beyond me, my wife, my family, my friends and my work. It was always honest; it was mostly vulnerable. There were bouts of humor mixed in, and the first green shoots of a community.
But mostly, it was just cathartic. And, it’s been awhile2 - heck, it feels like a mini-eternity some days - since I had an outlet like this.
With that in mind, we say: we’re back(ish).3 So, let’s catch up.
and you in your autumn sweater - October and November
While a couple of us started new ventures in late summer, we intended to continue writing and building this community. We had some big ideas, mostly because we had both turned 40 earlier in the year, but that’s all they were: ideas. Which are fun to have in the moment, but demoralizing when looking back at what was not attempted, let alone accomplished. Case in Point: the 40 Feats of Strength.4
Before turning 40, Brandon and I started a list of ridiculous challenges we wanted to attempt and complete this year. Things like: run a sub-5 minute mile; complete a 40-hour digital fast; attend Burning Man (all of it); 10,001 reps of something in one day. Not only did we only manage to come up with 35 feats, I only managed to complete two of them. And while those two items have proven useful and been something I’ve maintained - I read 53 books on a goal of reading 40 - best books I read: Damnation Spring, Four Thousand Weeks; worst book, possibly ever written: Don Quixote (no link included since I don’t want to thrust the pain onto another human) - and am ahead of the pace this year, and wrote 40 words per day, every day, for the entire year which has been bumped to 41 words this year - the reality is that we were both way too ambitious and lacked any real planning or accountability.
But back to October and November. Here’s a quick recap:
Took Professor Galloway’s Strategy Sprint where in addition to the content (helpful), I learned that I am glad I never took the time to get an MBA.
Went to an in-person industry conference for the first time in 18 months where I realized that I lost the ability to make eye contact with people in person. Damn you, Zoom.
Cooked our Thanksgiving turkey without burning down the house (Here’s something I accidentally learned: roast the turkey upside down and it makes the white meat much juicier).
Saw some comedy shows and live music indoors which felt weirdly wonderful.
Renewed our passports which expired during the pandemic allowing us to travel to Canada to visit family that Christmas (more on this below).
Started training for the Lake Placid Ironman where I got over my mental hurdle of swimming more than 50 meters without feeling out of breath and worked up to over a mile at once.
and the sky is a hazy shade of winter
5 - December, January and February
December was the opposite of a typical March: it was in like a Lamb and out like a Lion. It started with our girls getting their second COVID vaccine dose - while I got my booster - bringing a sigh of relief and a glimmer of hope for travel to the Great White North later that month. Mid-month, I hit month three at my new company (still learning), in a new leadership role (still getting my sea legs), with my first opportunity to lead a team (with my own case of the Mike Seavers6), and had the chance to do a real-live offsite with my team in Philadelphia which helped temper the rising symptoms of imposter syndrome. Yet the month ended with me doubled over with a toothache causing us to cut our trip to Canada short and me having to drive seven hours home with cycles of pain that I could set my watch to when the ibuprofen/acetaminophen cycling would wear off.
I attempted to get an appointment with our dentist but with the holidays, there were none. Luckily, I found another office that was able to see me that day and upon X-ray inspection, it was clear I had a cracked molar - which turns out to be a common side-effect of the pandemic with people grinding their teeth at night due to stress - and a severe infection that needed treatment.7 Within hours of my first antibiotic dose, I felt human again. We had hoped to save the tooth with a root canal but the endodontist confirmed that it was unlikely to be successful. The tooth had to go.
So January began with tooth number 18 getting pulled, followed by a wave of depression I did not see coming. It turns out, research has shown that losing a tooth can lead to acute depression. It was as brutal as it was brief, but the depression was real. And while it didn’t help that my wife and I had to cancel our trip to Paris - thanks, Omicron - there were some bright spots to round out January: I hired and welcomed my first two hires and got to see the War on Drugs at Madison Square Garden. A few of us here also did 10,001+ push-ups.
To continue on that same note, February, while short, had those same few manage to do 10,001+ air squats in the month. I still continued to struggle with imposter syndrome at work, but tried to embrace it a bit more, which has seemed to help. But the best part of the month was by far the time I spent at a Getaway tiny house in Moodus, CT, with my daughters, giving both my wife a well-deserved break and me some individual time with the girls.
Seeing them leap up the lofted bed, roast s’mores on the outdoor fire pit in sub-freezing temperatures, wave at the Beluga whales at the aquarium, and sift through the stacks of books at the used book stores were almost a match for the simplicity found in equal parts laughter, drawing, talking and silence.
I’m your vehicle, baby - March
8
Which brings us to March and why we’re really here: I turned 41 this past weekend. These last few weeks as we approached the anniversary of starting project kathekon, I came to the realization that I deeply needed to get back to the not-so-easy act of creating some never-truly-great-but-never-completely-terrible writing. I can’t say whether the words from March to October of last year helped anyone else but I can confidently tell you they helped me.
So in addition to these words, you should anticipate more from us over the coming months. But more on that later.
A lot has happened at Substack since we were last here: You can now read project kathekon in the new Substack app for iPhone.
With the app, you’ll have a dedicated Inbox for our Substack and any others you subscribe to. New posts will never get lost in your email filters, or stuck in spam. Longer posts will never cut-off by your email app. Comments and rich media will all work seamlessly. Overall, it’s a big upgrade to the reading experience.
The Substack app is currently available for iOS. If you don’t have an Apple device, you can join the Android waitlist here.
There should be a word for a habit that doesn’t happen regularly.
If that pretty terrible but ear-wormy Staind song were human, it could almost drink: it was released 21 years ago later this month.
As is my propensity for footnotes.
Apologies to Frank Costanza.
The Bangles cover, not the Simon & Garfunkel original.
Growing Pains.
Ironically, I had just had a dental cleaning two weeks earlier.
Catch the reference, Brute?
Good to see this again!
Sorry you had a rough ride earlier in the year. Hope you’re feeling better. And if it helps, I’m more worried about those who don’t have imposter syndrome than the ones who do. I still wrestle with it regularly.