I've noticed the unsettling eye contact thing too post pandemic - almost like we all need to be trained how to "look me in the eyes when you're talking to me," all over again.
On transaction v. connection, I'd encourage you to cut yourself some slack. You did something. A better way to think about it could be "how could this be even more impactful next time than it was this time?" and then, if you decide to go the way of transaction, or smile, or whatever...cut yourself some slack again.
By the way - one of my absolute favorite things in the world is to go a nice restaurant, sit at the bar, and eat all by myself.
The eye contact thing is pretty messed up. I can feel myself being unable to do so and like a muscle we have to train ourselves with more reps.
I appreciate the sentiment to cut myself some slack. And I like the idea of starting with a smile or some other connection. I’ll give that a try at the next opportunity.
Oh, and don’t get me wrong, I love a good solo meal at a nice bar too, too. But in that seat, there’s an implied connection to the bartender or the fellow patrons on your left and right. At a booth made for four? Maybe not (though that is lovely, too). Maybe I would have bought you your meal had I see you sitting alone!
Deep, do you find the lack of contact to be because of your own confidence, shyness, or lack of words to say? Or are yo torn between who you are and who you want to be?
Thanks, Joe! Those questions hit hard as it’s a combination of all those things. I’ve always been shy (I consider myself a “shy extrovert”) and there is a deeper “who I am versus who I want to be” in there. It’s likely to be the foundation of an upcoming piece.
I've noticed the unsettling eye contact thing too post pandemic - almost like we all need to be trained how to "look me in the eyes when you're talking to me," all over again.
On transaction v. connection, I'd encourage you to cut yourself some slack. You did something. A better way to think about it could be "how could this be even more impactful next time than it was this time?" and then, if you decide to go the way of transaction, or smile, or whatever...cut yourself some slack again.
By the way - one of my absolute favorite things in the world is to go a nice restaurant, sit at the bar, and eat all by myself.
The eye contact thing is pretty messed up. I can feel myself being unable to do so and like a muscle we have to train ourselves with more reps.
I appreciate the sentiment to cut myself some slack. And I like the idea of starting with a smile or some other connection. I’ll give that a try at the next opportunity.
Oh, and don’t get me wrong, I love a good solo meal at a nice bar too, too. But in that seat, there’s an implied connection to the bartender or the fellow patrons on your left and right. At a booth made for four? Maybe not (though that is lovely, too). Maybe I would have bought you your meal had I see you sitting alone!
Happy birthday!
Deep, do you find the lack of contact to be because of your own confidence, shyness, or lack of words to say? Or are yo torn between who you are and who you want to be?
Thanks, Joe! Those questions hit hard as it’s a combination of all those things. I’ve always been shy (I consider myself a “shy extrovert”) and there is a deeper “who I am versus who I want to be” in there. It’s likely to be the foundation of an upcoming piece.